His Infinity
by Lexikolet
Summary: I was going to Amsterdam. More to the point I was going with Hazel Grace and I couldn't wait. Since meeting her, I'd never felt better and this trip I need it more then words could express. Being with her, was a multitude of everything good like living again and the fear of oblivion, it didn't feel so deafening...
1. Chapter 1: Calm Before The Storm

**DISCLAIMER:** _ **WE DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS OR PREEXISTING PLOT IT ALL BELONGS TO JOHN GREENE.**_

 **SPOILER ALERT:** _ **THIS STORY CONTAINS A WHOLE MESS OF THEM.**_

 **AUTHOR'S NOTE:** _**Certain events that happened in the book and or the movie have been altered if not changed completely from the original content. From this point on you have been warned and I take no responsibility for your feelings after reading this...With that being said I hope you enjoy the story**_ _ **. Feedback and constructive criticism is appreciated.**_

 **Chapter One:** **Calm Before the Storm**

I was going to Amsterdam. More to the point I was going with Hazel Grace and I couldn't wait. Since meeting her, I'd never felt better and this trip I need it more then words could express. Being with her, was a multitude of everything good like living again and the fear of oblivion, it didn't feel so deafening.

I thinks she knows, although I haven't said anything to her yet. I don't plan on telling her, not yet. I can't watch the light leave her eyes I can't do that to her. She's been distant lately but then again hearing bad news from your doctor would do that to you especially when that news could determine if you could meet your idol. I have faith that despite the snag in our plans it will still happen and be perfect.

Over the last few weeks and the monotonous pain throughout my body was unbearable I'd finally given in and went to my doctor. Suffice to say my leg was the least of my problem. Know the results from my last CAT scan were tumbling through my mind. The fact that it lit up like a fucking Christmas tree pissed me off; there was no coming back from this. No amount of chemo, radiation, or new age medical bullshit was going to save me. It frightened the hell out of me because I wasn't going to be there for my Hazel, for my family, or my friends. I would just cease to exist and be nothing more than a memory and I'll have even lost that in oblivion.

Our houses becomes so much so that when Hazel came over she walked in Phillip trailing behind her giving my parents a hello and hug before making her way down stairs along with my Mom who had helped her down the stairs despite her reluctance which was all too well known. Leaving her only slightly breathless when she plopped down next to me on the couch; Mom gave me a smile and made her way back upstairs.

"What's happening in the world of the amazing Hazel Grace Lancaster?" I exclaimed as she scooted closer leaning her head onto my shoulder.

"Not much Gus how 'bout you?" she asked.

"What no news from the Doc about Amsterdam?" I questioned.

"Oh that well she said that I could go so, there is that..." I turned and looked at her with wide eyes.

"Really!? THAT IS AWESOME!"

"Excited much?" she giggled wrinkling her nose as beautiful blush creeped on to her face. It was a look I had become very familiar with and loved. Bring my hand to her face I brushed a stray piece of hair away from it and kissed the tip of her nose.

"So what do you want to do?" I asked as she got more comfortable.

She looked up at me eyebrows raised in mocking astonishment, "You mean you don't already know?!"

"The Avengers!" I belted.

"Was there ever any doubt?"

I moved her over and got up to put the movie in. Plopping Back down on the couch through my arm around Hazel's shoulder pulling her closer resting my head against her head and slowly immersing myself into the story of Earth's mightiest heroes.

"Oh why so you can oogle at his two legs and rock hard abs?"

"WELL HAVE YOU SEEN HIS CALVES?!"

"You wound me Hazel Grace." I mockingly cried.

"All I am going to say is 'Chris Evans'" She hummed dreamily.

"It isn't just because he's Captain America is it, it's the shield isn't it? Everyone loves a good shield."

"Among other things…" She trailed off biting her lip looking at the screen eyes dragging up and down his body with no shame.

"OH! I see how it is. You're into two legged men now are you?" I mocked her nudging her arm as she just shook her head smiling before falling back into the film. In that moment as I hugged Hazel to me her head nestled against my chest it felt as if everything was alright.


	2. Chapter 2: Welcome to Reality

**DISCLAIMER:** _ **WE DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE CHARACTERS OR PREEXISTING PLOT IT ALL BELONGS TO JOHN GREENE.**_

 **SPOILER ALERT:** _ **THIS STORY CONTAINS A WHOLE MESS OF THEM.**_

 **AUTHOR'S NOTE: For further information on our updating schedule from here on out check out our profile page. If you have any questions feel free to message either Chels or I and we will get back to you as soon as possible.**

 **Chapter Two:** **Welcome to Reality**

The chances weren't good; the doctor had made it clear that even after taking my leg it was always going to be a fifty-fifty shot of the osteosarcoma coming back and it had with full force. Hearing that destroyed my parents the most: the fact that there wasn't even a chance, it hit them hard. And why shouldn't it scare them? It terrified the hell out of me. They were losing their only son and nothing, no matter how hard they prayed or pleaded was going to change that and, it fucking sucked.

A glaringly obvious silence filled the car as I stared at the passing buildings blankly and my mother tried to hold back sobs until she could breakdown in the privacy of her own room. My father from driver seat silently seethed about how the meeting with my doctor went.

We pulled up to the house and Mom rushed out of the car, not wanting me to see her cry yet again because she knew it tore not only me up but Dad up as well. Dad sighed and looked at me through the rear view mirror, and I just nodded knowing what he had to do. I let him get out of the car ahead of me.

My phone buzzed but I didn't have to look to know who it was messaging me. I tugged my phone from my pocket letting my eyes drop to see that Hazel Grace's flash against the screen with a text about wanting to hangout. Wincing slightly, I quickly responded that now would not be good time. I regret telling her that because I knew that she would be upset. Sighing, I turned and slowly made my way to the front door wincing involuntarily every once in awhile. I hated this pain; it was annoying; constantly festering below the surface just waiting to burst. I walked into the house and went to go down stairs until I heard my parents in the kitchen.

"...did it have to be our Gus, my baby boy? It just isn't fair." I heard my mom wail.

"I know it isn't but you have to be strong. He needs you, he needs us to be strong. We can't fall apart; not like this. It just can't happen." My father pleaded.

"What do you expect me to do? Put on a fake smile and pretend everything is fine like you do? Because I just can't do that. Everything's not fine and I'm not going to act like it is."

"That's exactly what we are both going to do."

After hearing what was going on I furiously stumbled into the room making it obvious that I'd been eavesdropping not that I gave a damn in that moment which was undoubtedly a good thing because my Mom broke into tears at the sight of me. "You guys don't need to do this-" I hissed.

"Do what? Nothing's going on. Your mom and I are just having a conversation; you don't need to worry about it." Dad insisted waving his hands in the air as if to emphasis the bullshit he was trying to sell.

"He's right honey we… We were just having a conversation." Mom bawled one arm tightly wrapped around her waist while her other hand was firmly placed over her mouth doing nothing to cover up the unsteady sobs as she tried to speak.

"NO! She was upset about the fact that I am dying, and I am! She doesn't want to pretend that everything is okay when it's not! I'm freaking out too! I don't want to die; I have things I still want to do, places I want to see and experience things with the both you. I want to be able to make big life decisions about my future; like what college am I going to go to, if I want to get married or having kids but I can't do that. I can't do any of that and it's fucking _**miserable**_. It's not a possibility for me. Instead I get to worry about that the minuscule amount of time I've been given. I AM DYING!"

At this point mom was a waterfall of tears and so was I. My dad turned his head away his eyes locked on one of the useless "encouragements" nailed to the wall. Abruptly he turned to both my mom and I his eyes clouded with unshed tears.

"I can't... You're my son and-" A hysterical sob interrupted him before he closed the distance between us and pulled me into a desperate hug as he lost himself in the grief of knowing he was going to lose his son and he wasn't go to be able to do a damn thing about it.

"This isn't how it's supposed to be. Parents aren't supposed to have to watch their child waste away to nothing." He murmured brokenly into my hair.

"Dad I…" I whispered, unable to formulate a coherent sentence. How was I to respond to that? It was true. There was no amount of comfort I could offer them because in the end I was going to end up wasting away. Nothing I could say would change that or make it in any way better. Mom at this point joined the hugging and dad broke away.

"I know, Son, I know but we'll get through this we have to." Backing away with his arm still around my mom he ruffled my hair with a watery smile.

So I said clapping my hands together, "No more chick-flick moments?"

Dad laughed shaking his head. "As long as we are saying what we need to say, and not letting it build up again, I think so. I make no promises."

Turning away from my dad, Mom made her way to the kitchen mumbling under her breath about dinner.

"I'm gonna go downstairs. Will everything be okay up here?" I said looking at dad.

"Yeah I can handle her for a bit." Dad whispered.

"Not funny darlin'." my mom sang from the kitchen.

"How does she always do that?" he muttered to himself before making his way to the kitchen to help.

Chuckling I made my way down the stairs with some difficulty, the pain in my leg scorching. Plopping down on the sofa I ran my hand over my face. Gripping my hair I tugged at it groaning when I heard my phone go off. It could be one of two people: Isaac or Hazel. I was hoping for the latter. I unlocked my screen and saw that I had two messages: one from Hazel and one from Isaac. I saw the one from Isaac first. He wanted to know if we could hangout. I didn't feel up to playing video games so instead I answered Hazel's text.

 _ **HGL: Hey Gus! Just wanted to see if you wanted to do anything tomorrow night since you're busy tonight :)**_

 _ **Message Received at 6:32 p.m.**_

 _ **AW: Sure, what would lovely Miss Lancaster like to do? :-)**_

 _ **Message Sent at 6:37 p.m.**_

 _ **HGL: Why don't we got to the Park? :-P**_

 _ **Message Received at 6:39 p.m.**_

 _ **AW: Sounds awesome hang by the Bones and have lunch?**_

 _ **Message Sent at 6:40 p.m.**_

 _ **HGL: Yeah love it! :) How was your day?**_

 _ **Message Received at 6:41 p.m.**_

 _ **AW: ...Eventful that's for sure. But let's not talk about it can't be nearly as excited as the Amazing Hazel Grace's day has been.**_

 _ **Message Sent at 6:53 p.m.**_

 _ **HGL: Are you deflecting because if so you're doing it beautifully?**_

 _ **Message Received at 6:54 p.m.**_

 _ **AW: I plead the fifth.**_

 _ **Message Sent at 6:54 p.m.**_

 _ **HGL: I had an okay day my lungs weren't as crappy so that's a plus.**_

 _ **Message Received at 6:55 p.m.**_

 _ **AW: You know why they're like that my Hazel?**_

 _ **Message Sent at 6:57 p.m.**_

 _ **HGL: Oh, I could think of a few reasons but why don't you tell me Gus?**_

 _ **Message Received at 6:58 p.m.**_

 _ **AW: Because I'm the only one able able to take your breath away. :-P 3**_

 _ **Message Sent at 7:00 p.m.**_

 _ **HGL: Nice can't say I've ever heard that one before :)**_

 _ **Message Received at 7:01 p.m.**_

 _ **AW: Only the best for my Hazel Grace.**_

 _ **Message Received at 7:02**_

 _ **HGL: I think I'm gonna go to bed see you tomorrow. Okay Gus?**_

 _ **Message Received at 7:03 p.m.**_

 _ **AW: Okay**_

 _ **Message Sent at 7:04 p.m.**_

 _ **HGL: Okay**_

 _ **Message Received at 7:05 p.m.**_

 _ **AW: Look at you flirting with me. Are you reconsidering the whole just friends thing?**_

 _ **Message Sent at 7:06 p.m.**_

 _ **HGL: Shut up ;)**_

 _ **Message Received at 7:07 p.m.**_

 _ **AW: Okay**_

 _ **Message Sent at 7:08 p.m.**_

 _ **HGL: Good night Gus.**_

 _ **Message Received at 7:08 p.m.**_

 _ **AW: Good night my Hazel Grace**_

 _ **Message Sent at 7:09 p.m.**_

The next morning I took my array of pills that the docs had me shoveling down. Not that I was complaining it did help ease the pain that with every passing day became more prominent. I sent Hazel a quick text knowing she would probably get it later in the day as she never woke up early.

I hobbled up stairs with some difficulty, my pills hadn't quite kicked in yet. I saw both my parent at the dining room table eating breakfast. My father bleary eyed sipped on his coffee and reading his newspaper sending a grunt as an acknowledgment my way not that I was surprised he wasn't a morning person by any means. Well my mother sent me a bright smile. Reaching for a cigarette out of my pack I placed in my mouth letting it dangle as I leaned against the counter.

"Really Augustus? This early in the morning?" Mom said raising her eyebrow teasingly but I could see the underlying incredulity she didn't really understand the reasoning behind them.

"Mom you know it's just a metaphor I'm not going to light them up." I mumbled with slight aggravation.

"It just bothers me seeing that death stick in your mouth Hun, but on another note do you have any plans today?"

"I was going to go to the park and have lunch with Hazel Grace"

"Oh that sounds nice Gus."

"Yeah I was thinking about getting her something."

"That so sweet of you, she really is just the luckiest girl."

"I don't think so mom you're the last person I'd telling, no offense but you can't keep a secret to save your life. Plus I'm not actually sure I can't get her yet." I shook my head in amusement when my mom started to pout.

"Okay, okay I'll let it go but you need to invite her over for dinner I miss seeing her lovely face around here. I can't handle being around you two brutes much longer. Especially since your sisters haven't been to see you lately." She joked.

"Okay mom I will see you later I'm just gonna head downstairs and grab some stuff before I go could you make those wraps Hazel loves for lunch today that would be awesome." I said kissing her on the cheek as I made my way back towards my room.

"Sure no problem Gus they will be done before you leave." She said as I was walking away.

I went to grab Hazel's gift and put it in my bag. I was excited to give it to her to and see her reaction. I shot Hazel a quick text.

 _ **AW:**_ _H_ _ **ey, are you ready for the day?**_

 _ **Message Sent at 10:45 a.m.**_

 _ **HGL: Yeah what time are you picking me up or do you want me to head over there so I can drive? That just might be safer for everyone involved. LOL**_

 _ **Message Received at 10:47 a.m.**_

 _ **AW: What are you insinuating Hazel Grace that I'm a bad driver?**_

 _ **Message Sent at 10:48 a.m.**_

 _ **HGL: I said no such thing but I'm gonna say that I will just see you there in like 15 okay?**_

 _ **Message Received at 10:50 a.m.**_

 _ **AW: LOL Okay, I'll see you soon.**_

 _ **Message Sent at 10:53 a.m.**_

Fifteen minutes later on the dot there was a knock on the door bolting up from my perch on the couch and I made my way to the front door. I answered the door revealing the much anticipated Hazel Grace. Leaning against the door I said, "Hey, how is it going Hazel Grace?"

"Not much as right now Gus I just came over to see this guy kinda tall, kinda cute. We're kind of a supposed to hang out. So do you happen to know where he is?" She said cutely.

"Why yes I do he just so happens be me." I said making a hand gesture to myself.

"Oh goodie yay!" She said in mock exasperation clapping her hands slowly.

"Don't act so disappointed. Are you ready to go Hazel Grace?"

"Yeah if you are." she replied.

"Well then let's go!" I went to grab my bag that was laying by the front door turning to leave when my mom called me.

"Hey, Gus don't forget your lunch."

I 'ran' back grabbing the cooler from my mom, "Thanks mom." I said.

"You're welcome Hun'. I hope she loves them have fun."

Slowly we edged our way towards our spot a comfortable silence between us. I helped lay out the blanket Hazel was carrying and set down the bags. Sitting down I noticed Hazel looked breathless from the trek up the hill and began to sit down waiting for her to catch her breathe.

She scooted closer to me once she caught her breath and looked at me with concern. I shifted in my spot uncomfortably as I tried to find a way to ease the tension that was undoubtedly one sided since I was the one that was not being forthcoming surely she could sense that…

"Are you alright Augustus? You were avoiding something last time we talked and I let it go but I can see that you're upset." Hazel said troubled .

"Yeah of course you don't need to worry. Can we just talk about it a little bit later, let's just have some fun we have this great picnic and wonderful company for now?" I replied knowing that she would bring it up again later.

"Sure if that's what you want." she said with a hint of hesitation in her voice.

"Of course it is." I teasingly persisted bumping my shoulder into her teasingly.

A brilliant red hue splashed against her face, her ducking her head down, calling to to attention her outfit which consisted of her favorite sweatshirt, fade blue jeans, and light grey high tops.

"What are you staring at Gus?" she inquired once she stopped blushing and noticed my lingering stare.

"You." I stated simply as I marveled at her.

"Don't be ridiculous," she snorted scratching her cheek lazily.

"I'm not but I've got something for you can you guess what?" I said with a devious smile on my face.

"What did you do now Gus?" she said eyes narrowed suspiciously.

I turned to my backpack and grabbed a thin black box holding her gift. I turned to her and her eyes got wide. "Gus…what are you… what…how… you shouldn't have…" she stammered.

"Shut up and just open the box," I said as I handed it to her.

To be honest I was freaking out too hoping she'd like it as much thought she would. As she took off the lid to the box gasping. "I...I...I love it Gus it is so beautiful." she stammered with her eyes glazing over I took the sterling silver charm bracelet from her to help her put it on.

It was an infinity charm bracelet to represent our infinity, a star charm to remind her of the night at the swing set and a little plane to represent the trip the we were going to go on in a couple of weeks. She was so happy she launching herself on me arms locked around me knocking me onto my back on the blanket with a thump.

"Oops sorry." she giggled.

She sat up and fixed her cannula. Well I sat up slowly and maneuvered closer to her wrapping my arm around her waist tugging her closer to my side resting my head against hers trying to commit this moment to my memory. That's when I remembered the cooler with the wraps. "Are you hungry?" I asked.

"Yeah actually. What did you bring?"

"Just your most favorite thing my mom makes." I said smiling.

"What do you mean I love all the stuff your mom makes Gus" she said with a laugh.

I just handed the wrap to her grabbing one for myself quietly. "Yay veggie wraps!" she said through a bite of food.

I just chuckled and nodded as we ate, watching the kids play on the bones no care in the world. "So, Augustus are you going to tell me what's really going on with you or are you going to keep skirting around real problem? Hazel said her voice cutting through the silence like a razor.

The way only she could do it, in a true Hazel Grace fashion no BS just getting straight to the point. "Do we have to do this right now? We were having such a nice time?" I groaned tugging the ends of my hair.

"Yes, actually we do Gus something is up and you can't keep avoiding it. I mean if you're not going too talked to me about it then just tell me and I'll drop it..."

"Well then let's drop it Hazel everything's fine." I snapped snatching a cigarette out of my shirt pocket and sticking it in my mouth.

"Really Augustus?! Because from where I'm stand everything is definitely not okay." Her voice dripping with skepticism.

"Yes, really Hazel I'm asking you to let it go so just do it. I'm fine!"

"Sure you are Gus you're dripping with the look of just fine."

"Hazel I don't want to argue I'll tell you soon but for right now can you just let it go? Please." I pleaded looking up at her my eyes burning holes into the fade material of the blanket we were sitting on.

"I...it just that," sighing Hazel looked at me shaking her before looking at me again and muttering, "This is definitely not the end of discussion Augustus Waters."

"Thanks Hazel" I said softly with gratitude pulling her back against me into an embrace burying my face in her hair. I knew this wouldn't be the end of the conversation and I was dreading it I didn't want to be the reason she was devastated especially because it would be because of me, I would unmistakably be the reason, and I'm not sure I could take it.


End file.
